Bamboo Fires

Greetings earthlings.

This is my first guest blog. I mean, everybody is doing it right?! So, I requested one from somebody that bugs me every week that I don’t post a blog… I told her “When you want to see a new blog, write it!” And that she did. So here goes.

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I had an epiphany the other day… An OMG!-now-I-understand!, moment. Well, maybe it wasn’t so dramatic really. More like a slow realization with one thought opening connecting doors to another room, then another room, then another… finally reaching the prize on the pedestal.

A friend of mine got a book by Steve Harvey for her birthday. The follow-up/sequel to the first book he wrote. This one is Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man. Now, always having a piqued curiosity for books in general, especially those with “straight talk” on men, relationships, sex, etc., I was excited when I saw it. I wanted to delve into the mind of a man to see what men really think and to understand them. And besides, I had really liked his previous book and I wanted to see if this one could live up to the standard of his first.

So, the title of the book got me thinking. Trust me, any title like that would get my attention or at least let me do a double-take. It’s been about two years since I have been without a significant other or even a reasonable prospect so I had to be doing something wrong! The last time I checked there was no tree growing in my face and I damn well look good, too, if I may say so myself. I definitely had to read that book.

But here comes the epiphany…

In the process of waiting for that book I thought about me, my “types” (or maybe, more likely my “deal-breakers”), and my past relationships. That’s when I realized that maybe, just maybe, I don’t want to “find, keep, and understand a man”. I know what you may be thinking and in answer to that, YES! I do want a man! I want to find one. But to keep and understand him… that is the complicated part. You see, I’ve come to the realization that the kind of man I want to find is not the one I want to keep and I don’t think I’m too keen on understanding them either.

I don’t know if I have gotten a new lease on life or what but up to a few days before the “epiphany” I wanted a man. I was determined to get a man… and soon. I just felt somewhat burdened by my single status. With a friend getting married here, another posing with their man on Facebook there, I just felt… incomplete. I was, and still am, extremely happy for my friends with their significant others. I wasn’t hating or anything like that. I was just very mildly annoyed or irked to see their pictures and announcements popping up on every social network and thereby, especially in those lonely periods, making me acutely aware of my single status.

I think what I have actually realized is that at this moment in my life I am not ready to settle down, or more appropriately, be committed to a guy. It is not like I am averse to relationships or commitment on a whole because of a broken heart or anything like that. Yes, I have been hurt before but not so much so, and definitely too long ago, for me to be holding grudges and have my heart under lockdown.  Now, I shy away from relationships, content to have a fling with guy, fool around with him and all that until “the novelty wears off” as a friend of mine would put it. And men, don’t be judging because you all do the same thing. And no, I am not promiscuous. I’m quite in agreement with the little saying that a woman can’t do what a man does and still be a lady. But that is not the issue still.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s been there… you meet a nice guy and you know deep down that a relationship will never ever work between you and him. But it’s fun! Sort of like a bamboo fire… The sparks fly and quickly ignite… there is flirting, laughter, romance, everything good… a huge blaze… and then, it’s over… as quickly as it started. The novelty wears off. And that’s when you, most times unconsciously, try to find another guy. A guy who you can start a bamboo fire with again. So, you see this really hot guy and just by looking at him you know you can’t take him to see the parents. You know all he has is the “hotness”. He screams not your type. But you engage his advances nonetheless. You smile with him, joke with him, and let him think you are interested. Maybe you were, too, but then his hotness alone can’t keep you any longer and you get bored. The shine of the new “relationship” wears off. Then all of a sudden he can’t understand why you don’t want to hang with him anymore, or why your battery is always dead, or why you are always busy when you had all the time in the world before.

Karma is a bitch, they say, but c’est la vie! This is a phase. And this, too, shall pass. It will have to because this is definitely not the state of mind I want to be in when I find my “perfect” guy. The gentleman who will pull out doors for me and treat me like a lady… The guy who is handsome and sexy enough to get the other girls’ attention… who is considerate enough to help out around the house… who is sweet enough to buy me gifts “just because”… who is man enough to be a father in every sense of the word… who is financially stable enough to take care of his family… who is spiritual enough to acknowledge and fear God… who is intelligent enough to have deep and meaningful conversations with… who is “mandingo” enough to… ahm… keep me satisfied.

So, forgive me if, until then, all I want right now are the bamboo fires.

• Posted in: Guest Blog
• Tagged: bamboo fire, couples, deal-breakers, epiphany, fooling around, fun, hurt, karma, lonely, love, man, mandingo, men, relationship, single, Steve Harvey